Friday, November 25, 2016

Black Friday

HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY 
oh yeah and Thanksgiving.


I must say this is my favorite time of the year. All I love in two days: excessive amounts of food and spending money.

Unfortunately, now that I am an adult (kinda), I have to focus more on gifts for OTHER people and not just myself. All you out there don't act like you don't think the same thing. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love giving presents. I get super excited giving presents. It's just that when I'm out shopping on Black Friday and New York & Company has all their jewelry for 6 bucks, it's difficult focusing my attention on buying for others. 

This year however, I did a great job of buying gifts for other people more than myself (you're welcome). I did compromise with myself though; when buying a gift for someone else I also got myself something which realistically isn't smart but hey baby steps. 

It's officially the holiday season, and yes after THANKSGIVING it is. Sheesh why doesn't anyone decorate for Thanksgiving in November. No blow up turkeys in the front yard we're all jumping to Frosty the Snowman, but I guess my opinion doesn't really matter. 

Before I get out of here, I just wanted to give you a sneak peek of my new website I am creating.



Okay, the link is not working. Oh Dunkin Donuts wifi why do you fail me. Anyways, guess I need to do some more work.

Next time!

Th-th-that's all folks!
















Saturday, October 15, 2016

Adulting: Part 1



HEY, YOU GUYS!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Vv5CsP1pAg

We are now going to begin a new feature called: ADULTING.
Obviously, this is part one. To explain further, these next few blog posts (or whenever I feel like throwing you a curve ball) will explain my experiences as a fellow rookie in the world of trying to be an adult. 


My first topic in Adulting I will discuss is....


**drumroll please**

Trying to Cook
I am going to begin this struggle with a little story. Now I can't cook, however, when I was in middle school high school, FORGET IT. I was not intelligent at all when it came to cooking, baking, etc. Back in middle school, I was making those cute little smiley french fries. Damn, they were good. The cutest and tastiest litt--ah! I'm getting off track. Anyways, I was baking them and when I went to take them out, they fell off the sheet and into the 400 degree oven. Or in other words, REALLY FRIGGEN HOT. So, what did I do you ask? Like a normal person did I use a useful method? Ha, no. I grabbed a broom. A BROOM. I mean, who does that? It was no bueno to say the least. Thankfully, my intelligent friend was there to stop me but wow. I'm embarrassed to even tell it, but hey I didn't burn the house down so I got that going for me. 
The point is that my cooking skills I'd say are a little under-average.
They're probably at the level of Rachel from Friends when she made a "Dessert" with the wrong recipe. 

I am officially moved out and on my own (kinda). I don't enjoy having to cook every night. I also cannot order take out every night because although it's good for my soul, it's most likely bad for my health and ESPECIALLY bad for my wallet.

My idea of cooking now that I'm moved out consists of:

1. Take-out
2. Making yogurt parfaits
3. Grilled Cheese
4. Cucumber noodles (I love those things)

Truthfully, I do these things because I am simply too lazy to do dishes so I avoid making things that require me to use a lot of dishes.

Anyways, that's all from me today.

peace out bitches

Friday, September 9, 2016

WAZZUP

WAZZZZUP?!

WAZZZUPPPPPPP

 WAZZZZUPPP
uhhhhhhhhhhhh
WAZZZUPPP



So today I want to talk about the struggles of moving. I am currently in the process of moving out and wow is it a lot of tedious, annoying work. First of all, you take how ever many hours (which feel like days) to pack all of your cstuff, only to then contemplate for another extra hour or so on what useless crap you actually need. You go back and forth thinking to yourself, "Well what if I need these metallic tight shorts for a "Back to the Future" themed party or what if I need those jeans that don't fit anymore for when I kick ass on this new diet where I'll drop 30 pounds." All incredibly useless things you keep anyway.

Secondly, you tend to travel down good ole memory lane by reminiscing through your old middle school yearbook making fun of yourself for wearing that scented t-shirt or when you forgot it was picture day and wore a purple jumpsuit. Then you find your old journal and that's when you're seriously off track because after reading it you remind yourself of how dark and weird you were.

After you're actually done packing, then you have to decide what you still need before you move. For instance, the very last thing I packed personally was not my toothbrush or my shampoo, but my XBOX 360. Priorities. Priorities. 

Once you haul everything last friggen thing into the car(s), then you get to drive it to your new place. Once you get there, surprise! You get to unpack EVERYTHING you just packed. All this while you don't have Cable or Internet so you're forced to just put on Shrek 1 and 2 to keep your sanity.

Anyway, there you have it. You get to start a new chapter in your life but wow I hate packing.


Have a good weekend ya'll!

Monday, August 22, 2016

FOREWARNING: Today's post isn't as fun and purely entertaining as I usually do (let's face it, I'm hilarious)

Now when you're done laughing at how I'm not that funny, you may avert your eyes down the page to my short story. I write short stories for fun on my free time. Weirdly enough, I write depressing stuff. 


Whaddyaknow?

Anyway, take a look! Hope every likes it!


Broken Bottles

The liquor store’s funk dispersed throughout the surrounding environment, welcoming the stumbling regulars to their daily trips. Day in. Day out. Day in and day out, they make an annual visit getting their booze to drown themselves in for the entirety of what was left of their evening; they’re left with their wandering thoughts of why they chose to purchase that same bottle of The Captain again and again and again. Sometimes their minds travel towards why they chose to purchase any alcohol in the first place, but somehow they are brought back to that same aisle in the same liquor store purchasing the same damn bottle. In their perception it was dream, but it was really a curse. They felt fine during that delicious (but mostly dark nowadays) drunk; where all the worries about whether they could pay their bill that month, or last, has run away. Or how they lost the one they loved to the treacherous curse titled Captain Morgan. Those thoughts sailed out of their minds and drifted away, hiding from them until they took that last sip, because they think maybe, just maybe this time thinking about it wouldn’t tear them to pieces after that drink.




Dean faltered step by step from the last bus stop going through a  town in Louisiana, about an hour outside of New Orleans, a place where people roamed happily. However once night fell, the doors were shut and the drunks, “druggies,” or whoever else awakened from their afternoon slumber after passing out around 7:00 am. No one could ever be too careful in such a secluded little town.
“Keep the change,” Dean slurred as he threw four quarters at the driver followed by a pleasant burp as he slid off the bus. His eyes continued to roll forward and backward in his head.
“Yeah, just get off my bus buddy, you reek of cigarettes and bad whisky,” the bus driver snapped at Dean, “And take a Tic-Tac for the love of God.”
“No…God no Tic-Tacs from the store, that I would—err get them candy,” Dean stammered to himself as the bus drove off in the distance. He wobbled his way into the liquor store where the bottles awaited for his leisure. His stench diffused throughout the store causing a mix between the several scents of the establishment. Watching his feet one by one he made his way to the Vodka aisle. He just had his whisky fix and had to switch his options. He eyed the brands of the Vodka, but suddenly changed his mind and cast his eyes to the Tequila section. He smiled because he suddenly remembered he had salt at home. As he went to grab the Jose Cuervo off the shelf, he realized he had no lime at home to use to take his shots of Mr. Jose Cuervo. He then quickly remembered that he had half an apple left from lunch a couple days ago, though.
“Same difference,” he said to himself as he swayed back and forth attempting to keep his balance. He acted as if he was a puppet being strung along by the puppeteer—who probably had one too many himself.
Dean wiped his dirty, sweaty hands on his worn out jeans that he forgot to wash the day before. His bright purple neon LSU sweatshirt he grabbed from a Lost and Found box at the local recreation center beamed so loudly in the store, the clerk couldn’t help but notice Dean stumbling his way around the store as if he was learning to walk for the first time.
The clerk cleared his throat, and called out to the sad stranger, “Hey buddy, you doing okay over there?”
He looked around folding his hands together on the sticky counter, which suddenly reminded him he had to clean that off before his boss ripped him a new one again for leaving the store “a shitty and utterly disgusting pig pen” again. He scratched his dry hands nervously, his eyes darted back and forth as he shuffled his shirt cuffs.
Dean glanced up at the clerk, swaying back and forth some more and squinted. After a moment of silence between the men, Dean finally replied back with a belch. He rolled his eyes around eventually venturing their way to back of his head again.
“Huh?” he finally said back to the clerk awaiting his response.
He cleared his throat once more.
“I said, uh, are you doing okay, sir? I have seen plenty of people passing through here. Believe me, they never fail to surprise me with the types of drugs or how much alcohol they physically can consume and somehow still stand, but you, aside from the obvious smell of whiskey on your breath, seem different than the rest.”  
Dean set aback from this rubbed his eyes and straightened himself back up, for just a second, then shrugged back down into a slouch. He felt his emotions and mind sink to the floor, beneath the tiles. He didn’t think anyone would even notice, or care for that matter. He possessed this emptiness inside of him that he never realized would disseminate so quickly in such a desolate town; nonetheless, such a vacant store on this Wednesday night. The Wednesday a week after he lost the love of his life. Well, he thought she was. He didn’t know what to do. His love, the true love of his life gave him that ultimatum: it was her or the bottle he had sucked halfway down already. Dean decided a lifetime with his buddy, alcohol, was better than irrevocable love from his beloved, beautiful woman. Sadly, he made the bottle of Gin, Whisky, or whatever kind he was in the mood for, his soul mate.
“Lemme tell you somethin’ sir,” he slurred out to the clerk, now moving closer to the counter, booze still in hand, “I…am in love…and you know who that is?” He zigzagged back-and-forth until he eventually fell onto the counter, using his Tequila bottle to hold himself up.
The clerk shrugged.
“My love is this beautiful baby right here,” Dean continues. “Awh, you’re looking fabulous tonight baby…mwah!” Dean laid one right on the bottle, and continued to caress it, with a big smile on his face.
“Sir, I’m getting a feeling you’re pretty lost,” the clerk replies, “It seems like more so you lost someone more than something.”
Dean’s face suddenly went down. He finally realized what he was upset about. The bottle wasn’t fixing anything nor did it make him forget. All his memories with her suddenly rushed all back into his brain, breaking down the alcoholic wall blocking everything else.
“I…need her,” Dean sighs.
The clerk looked at Dean and said, “Listen, I work here five days a week, and I have witnessed a lot of things. I don’t say much, because well it ain’t any of my business, but buddy…you got to get yourself together. I’ve seen way too many broken hearts and crushed lives stumble through here, and it’s tough watching it happen. I see people ruin their lives because of this store right here.”
“I feel like I’m ruining my life.”
“You still have a chance to fix it,” the clerk said, “Put the bottle down. Leave this store, and get your woman back. You ain’t gonna do yourself any good drinking your way into the ground.”
“She’ll never take me back...but why are’ya helping me…you’re sayin’ to put the bottle down.”
“You got to try, because there is no life coming through here, it’s only gonna take it from ya. I can’t allow another life to diminish coming through here, so I need to say something before I explode.”
Dean propped himself up, and opened his eyes wide. He scratched the top of his head making sure he was listening, and then smiled big at the man behind the counter.
“I’m gonna get’er back!” Dean shouted, “Damn it, I want her back and I’ll get her. Screw this life. I’m gonna fix it. I’m gonna fix it!” The clerk smiled as Dean raced out of the store, tripping a few times, but nonetheless running with a purpose. Dean disappeared into the darkness, and the clerk sat back in his chair and smiled to himself.






The next morning, the clerk parked his Toyota in the lot right next to store. He got out of the car, and rummaged through his key ring to open the store once again. It was a beautiful morning, and he took in a deep breath.
It was 11:00 a.m. sharp when he officially opened the store for the day, and as he was counting his drawer for the day he heard the bell from when a customer walked through the door. He perked his head up, and checked the clock. It was 11:02 a.m. He heard the clunking of bottles from the rear of the store, and felt the heavy stumbling footsteps near the counter. Startled by the heavy footsteps, he dropped his keys. When he looked up, he saw the same bright LSU sweatshirt staring at him, the overwhelming smell of whisky, and that same bottle of Jose Cuervo in that dirty hand.








The end! Hey, lemme know what you think! To pick up your spirits here's a picture of a cute puppy chilling in a mug. Bye ya'll!!!!



Monday, August 15, 2016

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Review

Helloooooooo

For today, I will provide my incredibly intellectual literature review of a book I recently read titled, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

If you're not familiar with this book it is about a disgraced journalist named Mikael Blomkvist, played by Daniel Craig (yum) and a freelancer surveillance agent and researcher named Lisbeth Salander who is a badass, played by Rooney Mara.


Anyway, so there's this guy named Henrik Vanger and he was previously the CEO of this family business called Vanger Corporation. Forty sum years ago, his grandniece, Harriet Vanger, went missing and he is desperate to find her killer. So this is where Mikael and Lisbeth come into play. They take on this decades-long mystery and try to solve it.

and yadayadayada there's sex and guns and action. I will not blow the ending for you, but I will say this was a good read. I'm not too much of a reader (although since I graduated college I've had a lot of time on my hands), but this book kept me on the edge of my seat. The main female character, Lisbeth, I must say is incredibly powerful, and you can't help but love her and how edgy and straight forward she is.

On that note, I must say the weather is dreadful (I know, I'm talking about the weather and I should stop).


However, the humidity and sun blazing down on my needs to end. It's too much. I am having the tendency to hide in my air conditioned house all summer, and if I keep hiding like this I may end up like Gollum.

But hey, I guess I can't complain. At least I don't live in Florida right now. 

Friday, May 27, 2016

Vacation with Geezer

Hello All!


I hope everyone is having a wonderful Friday afternoon. For today I will combine "Breakfast with Geezer," and my "Trip to Tampa with Geezer." 

Well, whaddyaknow, all topics today involve good ole geezer.


Firstly, we hosted our annual breakfast we have every week. However, this trip involved driving 45 minutes for breakfast.

Remain on the edge of your seat, folks. 





I'll tell you why.

So, long story short I had an appointment 45 minutes away, and so we drive all the way out there just to find out, I can't have the appointment. **sigh** Although, we were a bit bummed we drove out that far for essentially no reason at all, we made a marvelous discovery during the drive back. We found out there is an IHOP in the town we were at. We now can take a trip to IHOP if we must.



I would call that a win. 


Now, onto my trip in Tampa. While driving around in Tampa, there are a few things I noticed that I feel necessary to share. 


1. Holy s*** it's hot down there (I know. No shit).


2. I have a record time of being on the beach for less than hour and still found a way to burn. And yea, I was wearing SPF 50. You heard me. SPF 50.

I know, not that kind of burn. You get the point.


3. There is BOTH several IHOP's and Waffle Houses (and unfortunately Denny's). In fact, there was a Waffle House right down the street from my hotel. 


Incase you wanted proof. There yah go.


4. There are A LOT of Booby Bars. Not even joking. Every other building. 


1 of hundreds.




5. There are A LOT of Hooter's. I found out later on the birthplace of Hooter's is in Clearwater. 

So, duh. 



No, not THAT Napoleon. 


There we go.

So there's that. 

To end for today, let's play "Who did it better?"


This evening's edition: 

"Who did the duck face better?"














I must say, Donald Trump is impressive, BUT Miley has an ACTUAL DUCK FACE. It's a tough decision. Ya'll can decide for yourselves.




And with that, have a fantastic weekend! 




Thursday, April 28, 2016

Participation Medal

Hello Everyone!

So I have been meaning to post about my 5K I ran two weeks ago. The reason why is because my father and I realized some things about 5K races. There are types of people we noticed that would most definitely destroy us in the race. Unfortunately, it is a relatively long list. Neither of us actually prepared for this race, so we didn't expect the gold medal. However, I would've like a participation trophy or maybe a free pen or something. 

Oh wait. They did give out free pens.

Participation pen for me!

Anyways, here is the list of people who we felt (and who did) would destroy us in the 5K. 


  • People who show up in large packs--they are intimidating as hell.

  • People who wear the MOST RIDICULOUS outfits--the crazier you look, the faster you are.

  • That one person who runs alone--you know they're good, because they're confident enough to run alone. I need a buddy just to assure I won't be the only one who's bad. 

  • The little 10 year olds--my goodness seeing a 10 year old sprint past me at mile marker 2 while I am gasping for air really is a downer.

  • Men who wear short shorts--you just know they gotta be good (and they were).


  • Guys wearing backpacks--like running with no backpack isn't a challenge enough, they gotta wear the backpack. I can barely crawl across the finish line with just me, let alone something else on my back. Trying to run a 5K with a backpack I'd be like Spongebob and Squidward dragging those anchors

It wouldn't go too well.

  • People with dogs- Not ONLY are you athletic enough to run a 5K, but you have your DOG trained to run a 5K. I can't even train myself, yikes.

  • People who actually stretch- this could and probably is a lot of people, but I am not a good preparer of races. Or exercising at all really. 

  • Lastly, that chick from Jurassic World--not only did she out run a crap ton of dinosaurs, but she did so IN HEELS. If she can be beat T-Rex in a 5K, she most certainly can beat me.





There you have it. Those are all the types of people who can (and did) destroy my father and I in a 5K a few weeks ago. But hey, I had fun and we finished the race without walking. I call that a win.


Keep running ya'll!